fries! because i haven't fried enough stuff yet...

yep. after the deepfrystravaganza the other day, and an incredibly long week.. i felt like attempting french fries. because why buy them, when you can spend way too long making them?

because they're delicious, that's why.

and easy... ish? okay. a little messy, but worth it.

you'll need (per good-size serving):

one fist-size white skinned potato

a good amount of canola oil (1/4 cup or so)

salt

pepper

OR

leftover bbq rub from the wings. just saying.

first, slice your potato into french fries. yeah yeah, i know, my world was rocked when i read this too. you can do this by slicing length-wise, so you have long sheets of potato, then slicing thinly. thin means crispy, and crispy means tasty. no giant steakfries here.

then, put in a pot of cold, salted water and bring to a boil for a while. this gets rid of excess starch and cooks them through, leaving you to just crisp the suckers up. strain, and leave them to steam off excess moisture.

then, fry the suckers. while they're drying, heat up your oil on medium-high heat, and add in a single layer at a time. try not to overcrowd the pan. i did batches, like so:

fry until crispy, then toss on a paper-towel lined plate, season immediately, then in a 250 degree oven to stay warm.

eventually, you'll have lots of delicious fries!

what to do with these? well, i made breakfast-for-dinner, and ate it like so:

the red stuff on the eggs is sriracha. the orangey-yellow stuff (damn iphone camera) is sriracha mayo for the fries. don't judge me, i was once like you - not eating sriracha mayo. it sucked.

enjoy!

bread! oh snap.

Holy crap, I made bread! It is wonderful, and magical, and delicious, and oddly... easy.

Well, not that easy, but easy enough.

You will need:

• 1 pound hard bread flour


• plus more for dusting


• 1½ teaspoons salt


• 2 teaspoons yeast (7 grams)


• 13.5 ounces warm water (about 1 1/3 cup, but use your judgement)


• cornmeal


• 3 tablespoons olive oil


• Optional: a few cloves of garlic, minced

Note the flour is in weight, not measurements. It's a weird baking thing, and involves me going to the bake shop and buying several bags of carefully measured one-pounds of flour. Hard bread flour, too. For Guelphers/ites, the Flour Barrel on Wyndham downtown is great.

As follows:

Whisk the flour, yeast, and salt together in a big bowl. Mentally prepare yourself.

Slowly (and i mean slow) drizzle in your water, integrating it with a fork into the mix.

Flour your hands, workspace, and cat. Drop the doughey mess onto the workspace, and knead it (fold and squish, rotate, fold and squish, rotate) for about five minutes.

(at this point, you can fold in the minced garlic. it is delicious)

Clean the bowl, put it in the bowl, cover with a clean kitchen towel, and put in your oven with the light on for an hour to rise. Put a little sticky note on the oven so someone doesn't inadvertently turn it on.

When risen (about double the size), oil up a 11 by 13 pan, and scatter some cornmeal. This will give it a nice crunch. Drop the dough in, watch it sink down, spread it out to fit as best as you can, and put little indents in with chopsticks. Not too deep, but a little bit. Let it rise again for about half an hour with the towel again. I put mine under a radiator this time. Works like a charm.

About now, you want to preheat your oven to 425. This sounds a bit early, but gets your oven (and apartment) nice and hot, but also consistently hot. Oven thermometers are... not your friend.

After rising, ever-so-gently brush it with olive oil. There are lots of air bubbles, and you don't want to disrupt them. Scatter some coarse salt (kosher or sea) over the top, and put in the oven for 25 minutes to an hour.

Take it out, and witness the glory:

oh wait, that was the 'past failure'. those things were basically rocks. try this:

Eat it hot, fresh, with lots of butter. it is all the ohnoms.

Thanks to paupered chef for saving me from bread-faildom.

pizza? ohnomnomnom

Okay. So this is the latest post after months of not posting - basically, I've lived at home for a few weeks, and barely cooked. So to start writing again, I figure I can write about the best home-made pizza I've ever had.

If you know me, you know I cook A LOT of pizza. With a lot of weird things. But it's still sort of kind of pizza. Here's the basic recipe:

- Good dough, about fist size
- Good sauce, about half a cup (cook chilis, garlic,and crushed tomatoes together for eons - there's a good sauce)
- Good mozzarella cheese, about... a heaping half-cup grated.

Heat your oven between 450 and 500 degrees.
Spread out the dough BY HAND - but not too much, or else it gets messy. Get it really thin.
Ladle on sauce, spread it around
Put on cheese.

Here's where it gets tricky.

Put it in the ludicrously hot oven, aiming to not get your eyebrows singed.
Cook until the bottom is well done. I mean nice and well done - like this:


(side note:this is known as a "pizza upskirt" shot. google it. i dare you.)

THEN
Take out, turn your oven broiler on full whack. Put the rack close to the broiler (the top element)

Put your pizza in and watch the cheese and top crust go all beautiful and golden brown and delicious. This is pretty critical if you have thin crust pizza, so you don't have to cook it to black on the bottom to get some colour on top.

Take out, let rest, and then eat the whole thing in one go like I did before I posted. So no pictures. Sorry folks, next time. Anyways.

VARIATIONS:

Put some genoa salami on it - either on top or under cheese, depending how you like it (crispy or hidden.

Saute spinach, lots of garlic, and sauce, then top with that in lieu of sauce. Don't do this before a date (smelly breath + spinach in your teeth = no kiss goodnight)

THE MARC SPECIAL - caramelized onions, blue cheese, and crispy (burnt) bacon with everything else. This turned into pizza soup once, but IT WAS STILL GOOD. (even if a certain someone's mom thinks I'm a loser.)

OR toss some cheese curds or old cheddar in with the mozzarella. makes it a bit tastier, I find.


That's all for now. (hopefully) more to come soon!

Pulled pork - the love of my life

After too many tries, I finally nailed a decent recipe for pulled pork. It took only four hours to make, and was worth every second. Now I just need to explain my excitement this to my vegetarian friends, and not have them hate my life.

As such...

Pulled pork (Adapted from Apartment therapy - kudos to them)

4 to 5 pound pork shoulder, bone-in
1 tbsp chipotle
1 tsp ancho
1 tsp cayenne
1/2 tablespoon salt
1 teaspoon pepper
1 tablespoon olive oil
2 medium yellow onions, peeled and cut into wedges
4 cloves of garlic, peeled
1 14-ounce can diced tomatoes
1 tall boy of beer (I used Grolsch)

A couple hours before you make this, give the pulled pork a good rubdown (intentionally dirty pun) with the spices mixed with the olive oil. Let it sit for a while in the fridge, then for about half an hour on the counter to warm up to room temp.

Preheat the oven to 325 degrees.

Put a cast iron dutch oven on mid-high heat for a while, until it starts smoking. Sear the pork on either side for about two minutes. Your apartment will smell amazing, and your neighbors will love you.

Remove the pork, pour in the beer, onions, garlic, and tomatoes. Bring this to a simmer for bit. Toss the pork back in, cover, and put in the oven for a good four hours.

Check the pork once or twice with a instant-read thermometer (aka why I've never given anyone food poisoning). When it's at 190F in the middle, it's done.

Remove to a pan, and shred with a couple of forks. Mix with your favorite barbecue sauce- I use and swear by Cattle Boyz, but you can use whatever. Don't skimp out here.

Put on nice fresh white bread with coleslaw, and rejoice in the fact that you've overcome your past failures at cooking and have made your barbecue-crazy dad a happy man.

Pics (with added links! because i'm bored and hungover):

Post-rubdown

Searing

In the big swim
Pre-shred (note the bbq sauce and container of liquid)

After shredding

My obvious reaction to the food